Hello there, gentlemen! Dating as a trans man can be daunting and disheartening at times, but don’t fret – we’ve got you covered. This guide will give you some practical tips and real-life experiences to help you navigate dating as a trans man. Strap yourself in, and let’s get started!
Online Dating
It’s no secret that dating apps can be a bit of a grind, for both trans and cis men, but success is possible! One of our contributors met his girlfriend through the Hinge app, and they couldn’t be happier.
The key? Keep grinding those apps. Consistently swipe, send messages, and stay active. It may seem tiresome, but it’s good practice for conversation and keeps you in a confident, outgoing headspace.
You never know who is going to be active on the app and when. The more consistent you are, the greater your odds of success.
Real-Life Connections Through Hobbies
While online dating can be fruitful, don’t underestimate the power of real-life interactions. People are usually more willing to trust others they meet in person.
Joining groups related to your hobbies is a great way to meet people. Love reading? Join a book club. Are you a poetry enthusiast? Attend queer-friendly open mic nights. Sports aficionado? Sign up for a co-ed rec league.
Finding Opportunities in Everyday Situations
Expanding your social network can be as simple as striking up a conversation at your local coffee shop. Here’s what we try to do:
- Find a person who isn’t engrossed in their work and looks like a good match for you. Find something about them you like. Maybe their laptop has a cool sticker, they are wearing a graphic tee of your favorite band, etc.
- See if you can make eye contact / smile at them.
- If you can make eye contact and they don’t look uncomfortable, see if you can approach them.
- Give them a quick compliment and try to turn it into a conversation if they seem open to it. This could be something like “Wow, I love your shirt! That’s my favorite band! What’s your favorite song?” See where it takes you.
- If you have a good chat, don’t hesitate to ask for someone’s phone number and suggest meeting up. The more relevant you can make this to the conversation you had, the better. Something like,
Hey, I had a really good time chatting with you, maybe we could go to their concert coming up this summer? Could I get your phone number?
This approach is so casual, it might not be immediately obvious that you’re interested romantically, which gives both of you time to feel each other out.
Testing the Waters
So you listened to our advice and you found someone you hit it off with.
Before things get too serious, you probably should get an idea of where a potential partner stands on trans issues. A subtle approach can help you stay stealth, if you choose. You might ask a temperature-check question, like:
Since this is a hot topic recently, I was curious, what is your stance on trans rights?
See how they react and where the conversation goes. If the person says something transphobic, find a way to end the conversation and distance yourself. If the person supports trans rights, you know you’ve found an ally (just remember - not all allies are equal). From there, you can segue into another question:
Would you ever date a trans man?
Their answer can give you an honest view without the need to disclose. If their response is negative, “No I don’t find them attractive” is something we’ve heard before, it’s easier to steer the relationship toward an end without having to come out.
Where do Trans People actually find love?
We took to Reddit to ask, how did you meet your significant other? The results are in:
We came to realize through the comments that there were some misses in the question options. For one, many users expressed having met at work, which was completely omitted from the option list.
Second, it couldn’t capture the granularity of just how people met. One user met their partner through tumblr smut, another through scrolling the Doctor Who wiki in public, and another through Rainbow Six Siege fan fiction.
Finally, a Reddit poll is by no means comprehensive. Love can be around any corner. Be who you are, and take the time to try to meet people, whether that is online or doing activities you enjoy.
So, there you have it! Dating as a trans man can be tricky territory, but remember – patience, persistence, and positivity can go a long way. As always, keep sharing your stories and experiences with us. We’re in this together, and your insights could be the beacon for someone else navigating the dating world.
